How your ANS may be running your sex life


I have 1 very simple response to this: Don’t give a shit! This life is about you, so let’s live like it is and if your lover is right for you, they will respect you all the way.

So, again, I ask, what turns you on? Think about it. Then get up, and do it. Lay out your sexy lingerie, turn on your favorite Pandora station. Grab your favorite toy. And above all the fluff, come to terms with what sex you really fucking want and EXACTLY what is going to make you feel good.

Then, I want you to relay this to your lover; “I need you right now. I want to surrender into you. Where ever you go, whatever you do to me, I want to surrender into it. I want you to take your time and I want you to read my body. I want you to read the responses my body says to you. Give me your full attention. I want you to let go of everything else but, most importantly, don’t let go of me in this moment.”

Bear in mind, we are traipsing into unknown territory. It’s gonna be messy and sometimes disappointing BUT… now you are equipped with the steps to getting through the shit and on to the other side of what we are all seeking; blissed out, remarkable, connected, immersive, conscious, mind-blowing sex.

Last week, was a great reminder for me of how important it is to know what I want and to actually step-up and ask for it. I set up a make-out session with a man I’d been having a crush on since I met him 6 months ago. I was completely nervous driving to his place for this encounter. Nervous because I hadn’t slept with anyone outside of my marriage before and also nervous because I didn’t have a clue how it would go down. I felt like a teenager sneaking into my boyfriends house to have sex for the first time like the cute little virgins we were.

When I arrived, he greeted me with a long, firm hug then immediately whisked me away to his bedroom like he had a plan. Well, apparently he didnt. We fumbled around taking off each others clothes and stood there wondering what to do next. I could feel his body asking the same thing mine was asking “now what?”

This was the first opportunity I skipped to ask for what I wanted.

The idea of just letting whatever happens in the bedroom happen, is wonderful, but in this case, neither of us knew what we wanted.

There were several times that I could sense his apprehension and I did nothing about it. I auto-piloted my way through it and even had the audacity to ask him, “is everything ok?” DOH! What sort of question is that anyway? We all hate that question. But even more so, people don’t know how to answer this question because it will expose a vulnerable place that they may not want to show… especially in the bed.

He wanted to know what I wanted. He obviously wanted to have this sex but he had no idea how to make me feel good or how to prevent himself for moving too fast. I could’ve told him. This was my opportunity to say, “ravish me”. But I didn’t and as a result, that sex went down in my history book as the worst sex I’d ever experienced.

This is our lesson. Life is our experiment, and people are our subjects to experiment on until we get it right.  And our lovers won’t have any problem being our guinea pigs.

I’ll say this every time you hear from me: Self-love. We are on a path to self-love and this will take us to exactly the place we want to be.


I want to offer you a challenge: Practice expressing your truth.
  1. Ask yourself, what do I really desire?
  2. Express that desire to someone – let your desire breath in the open air.
    • Realize that a person’s response does not matter. It’s all about YOU getting in the habit of expressing your desires.
  3. Post your desire & experience here (let it breath and let others feel you in it)



  1. Rob

    There is a great discussion, on this post, going on via the secret Facebook group. If you’d like to be added to that group please contact us and ask to be added.

  2. Pingback: Getting the sex you want. From a woman’s perspective. •

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