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Relationship Design 1 – Common’ish Styles

When we are talking about relationship design, there are some simple but NOT easy (very much so) steps to take and the first one is breaking with the belief that there is only one way to conduct relationships or, perhaps even worse, that there is only one “right” form of relationship. Let’s geek out a little on numbers (and a …

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How to bring sex into dating?

This is another one of those questions that come up often in our coaching. “How do I bring up sex on a first or second date?” or “How do I take the date to the bedroom either tonight or down the line?” or even “How do I talk about sex with someone and not scare them away?” And I get …

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Are You Running On Shame And Guilt?

Do you have this nagging feeling that you are doing something wrong? Or did something wrong? That people around you will be upset? That it is too good to be true? That the other shoe will drop any second now? I had these feelings pretty consistently for most of my life. And they still come up from time to time …

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Dating 2 (of 3)

I mentioned in a post a while back that I keep posting about the dating series events that I run at the moment. In Dating 1 (of 3) I talked about the exploration of why we date and the limiting beliefs that get in the way. In the next installment of the series I am talking with everybody about needs, …

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RTFM (Read The Fucking Manual) – Part 2

In this post over here, I talk about writing your own user manual. I actually heard about the idea from Cunning Minx who runs a polyamory blog and podcast called Polyweekly. I believe writing your user manual is a fantastic idea. So I decided that I will use it as a tool in one of my future relationship workshops. When …

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Jealousy (And 9 Steps To Deal With It)

I believe there are very few adults out there that have not experienced jealousy at one time or another. And we have so many expressions for it: “The green eyed monster”, “like a cancer in the bones”, “jealousy is a disease”, “a jealous woman is a faithful woman”, etc. The list goes on. And it’s all just trying to express …

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Why Is There No Manual For You?

In an upcoming workshop on relationship communication I am going to talk about writing our own “user manual”. There are several reasons why I think this is a) an important exercise and b) an important communication tool. In this post I am just talking about the why and give you some tips on the how and in a post down …

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Up And Down The Ladder (Of Abstraction)

My grandmother always advised me never to walk under a ladder because it brings bad luck. And I watched enough cartoons to know that you usually end up with a bucket of paint over your head if you don’t follow grannies advice. While I didn’t make any special effort to avoid ladders, there is one I never saw coming and …

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The Practice Of Relationship

Do you have something that you do regularly in a mindful way even if you don’t feel like doing it? Maybe you know this moment: You f***ing HATE doing what it is you are doing but you know it also feels really good on some level and you know it is good for you and halfway through doing it you …