Control of your sexuality
…on the same page here: I am saying; control of yourself, not the situation or circumstance. That is the part that you want to surrender to.
Ask yourself, when you are sexually engaged with someone, how does it feel when they tell you or guide you to something that feels good for them? If we’ve done the internal work to avoid taking it personally, we feel excited! Excited to give that person what turns them on and excited to give them what sends them ‘close to the edge’. Ask yourself, have you ever been turned on by your partner’s turn-on?
There is nothing wrong with going into the bedroom and being ready to learn. Every human body you encounter has different turn-ons, different erogenous zones, different ways of ‘calming down’. Read each body like it’s a damn Janet Hardy book; intently! Listen to what the body is communicating, what its wants and needs are. And for gods sake, don’t be afraid to ask what they like. On the flip side, don’t be afraid to tell your partner what it is that you want.
If there is any one specific advice I preach to my clients it is; ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. Don’t be afraid of that. In fact, challenge yourself. Challenge yourself by asking anyone, anywhere. “Can you grab that for me?” “Can I have extra lemon with my water?” “Can you send this dish back to the kitchen it’s cold.” “Can you to move your tongue a teensy bit to the left.” “Can you pull my hair and fuck me like you mean it?”
It takes practice. I certainly won’t strip that away from the reality. Not only does it take practice to ask for what you want without internally questioning yourself, but it also takes practice being able to remain in your body while knowing what it is that you want.
In sex, we have 2 internal places we travel; into our bodies or into our minds. We can all think of different moments where we experienced each.
In your body is where you play. It’s the place where the neo-cortex and vigilance shuts down and your primal sensuality and sexuality come out.
In your body… I don’t want to leave anyone stranded so I’ll explain a bit about what this means. Also, you can read my post about this topic further. (click here)
Being in your body feels almost meditative. A state of flow. Our voices of criticism, judgment and victim (of self and others) drop away. Sensation and emotion take over.
This is the place where we can become the lover we seek. Get out of your head! Get into your body. I feel like I’m sitting in a OneTaste class now by saying that. Take this tenet with you in the bedroom. Leave your voices at the door and preferably in another room. If you want something, ask for it. If you want to experiment, ask for it, if it scares the hell out of you to ask, ask for it anyway. Wait for consent, obviously, and if your partner says no, so what! You asked! That is what you can be proud of. Be excited that you asked…