Be excited to ask for what you want, and ask without expectation.
…Another tenet: ask without expectation. Go into the bedroom without expectation. In fact, just remove expectation all together when you’re dealing with another person. And one step further, remove expectation from yourself.
Don’t even expect yourself to ask for what you want. If, at some point, during your horizontal mambo session you didn’t ask for what you wanted, that’s ok. Remember, the point in all of this is to relax, enjoy, have fun, take control of your own self and your own human experience. You play for your own pleasure while connecting with the other person.
Be the lover you want to be. Sensual, kinky, primal, energetic, whatever you want, be it. Ask for it then bring it into the bedroom to the person that says yes to you. Be the lover you keep seeking out. Then, your sex will be amazing.
I know I covered a few things in this article that aren’t necessarily easy to navigate. Other things, like what it is that you truly want, are also difficult for many of us to know. We all know what it is that we DON’T want, but how much do we know about what we DO want?
What does effective communication look like and how do we handle our internal self when it comes to asking, consent and rejection?
How do we read the bodies of others and how do we maintain respect for the other person’s wishes while also honoring our own boundaries? Or, how do we detach from expectations? How do we handle a ‘no’ and maintain our dignity? How can we start to play more in our bodies and stop fretting around in our heads? How do we calm those voices?
The hard questions we need to ask ourselves to get the sex we want?
These are all hard questions, I understand. These are questions that I have had to explore myself and I’ve made a lot of mistakes in those explorations. Mistakes may eat you up for a day or two but out of that grows the beauty of learning, if we so allow it. Did I mention stop having expectations on yourself? You will not always get it right. I don’t and I also still have expectations on myself. It is a learning process.