How to bring sex into dating?

Know how to communicate it.

Now that you know what you actually want and are at least somewhat okay with it, how do you come out with it on a date?

I found that the easiest way is to just say it and wait for a response. Now that definitely sounds a lot easier then it is done and if you are anything like me then even the thought of putting that into practice gave you a queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. So let’s break it down a little.

Reid from reidaboutsex.com (I love this guy and the things he presents) has a nifty little formula for difficult Reidconversations. In my opinion this is a perfect situation to use it. Basically you break it down into 3 chunks: a) what you want to say, b) what you are afraid will happen when you say it and c) what you would like to happen when you say it. Then you swap it around and deliver it B -> C -> A.

I had a date not too long ago and I used this exact approach. My date asked me why I went out with her. The short, short answer is: Because you appeared to be someone I might want to have sex with. So I told her: “I am a little nervous about my answer to this question, I am afraid you slap me, walk away or think of me as a dirty, old perv or any combination thereof. What I would like instead is that you tell me how you feel about my response and your reasons for going on this date. And to answer your question, I went out with you because from your online profile, you seemed very interesting, you are curious about a lot of the same things I am and you also seemed to be a person that I might want to have sex with.” Then I sat there and waited for the response.

To some this might seem way too forward or too direct or crude or whatever. What I can tell you from my experience is: It works. And the alternative would be either not saying anything, waiting for the perfect moment to bring it up (which never comes) or to beat around the bush. Again, this makes you appear unsafe. And I am not even talking men / women dynamics here. If you have ever had a talk with a friend and he held something back, you might know the feeling of “waiting for the other shoe to drop”. That is what I am talking about.

Any outcome is a good outcome.

Now, when I say it works, that doesn’t mean I have sex with everybody I go out with. And I want to make that very clear. If someone tells you that they have line that always gets you what you want, call bullshit. Because that is what it is.

Comments

  1. Christian blaydon

    I really feel a connection to what you’ve wrote in this article, I have just started dating a girl (2 dates) and prior and currently I am in a long dry spell and it’s because of exactly what you’ve wrote, my do right attitude, not wanting to offend, and hoping that if I stay away from the topic she will read my mind, whereas I know since she’s younger than me she’s most likely(?) waiting for me to initiate, I don’t know what to do, and since I thought of myself as a very sexual being before the year and a half I’m currently on I’m very confused and your article is the first time ive said to myself ” yes, they get it completely!”

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