How to bring sex into dating?

However, the difficult conversation approach does work. And what I mean by that is that I am sitting in front of or next to another human being, I show up as the person that I am with all my strengths, flaws, desires and baggage and I have a honest conversation and connection. And I have talked on first dates about our fantasies, kinks and fetishes. It is no problem if you know what you want and like, how to get it out in the open and then you are okay with however the other person is going to take it.

They might say: “Thank you for sharing that.” or “Not interested” or “Cool, let’s do it”. Honestly most of the time I don’t care. I desire to be received and feel connected when I share. But just because I am having this moment of connection with you, doesn’t mean that we suddenly want the same things. If you want sex and I want sex, awesome, let’s do it. If either one of us is less than a 100% yes to that idea then let’s table it.

In the end it is only going to be good if everybody involved it is actually interested in it. I will talk in a future post more about rejection but for now just 2 sentences about this topic. If someone rejects you, that has nothing to do with you and all to do with them. If you remind them of their creepy uncle Bob from when they were 4 years old, they might not want to have sex with you. There is nothing you can do about that. Stop trying to take responsibility from someone else’s human experience.  

28b8e87dad1377f113fe94fea9abe52c3b715f56_largeLet me end this with a wish for you: I wish for you that you enjoy the connection you have. I wish for you that you can get out of your head. I wish for you to live in and love the moment. I wish for you to be able to stop planning and be okay with whatever happens because when you are open to it, a lot of good things can actually happen.  



  1. Christian blaydon

    I really feel a connection to what you’ve wrote in this article, I have just started dating a girl (2 dates) and prior and currently I am in a long dry spell and it’s because of exactly what you’ve wrote, my do right attitude, not wanting to offend, and hoping that if I stay away from the topic she will read my mind, whereas I know since she’s younger than me she’s most likely(?) waiting for me to initiate, I don’t know what to do, and since I thought of myself as a very sexual being before the year and a half I’m currently on I’m very confused and your article is the first time ive said to myself ” yes, they get it completely!”

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