RTFM (Read The Fucking Manual) – Part 2


  • Geek and Nerd with me. I am a gamer (used to be much more computer, now it’s more social) and playing games with me is awesome. I love to cook. Talk to me about cooking and you will see me get excited and bubbly. Other topics that I geek out about are sex, relationships, dating, the countries I lived in and norse mythology.
  • Hot and classy is a look I am predisposed to fall for. If you meet me in a costume or even a button down shirt and heels I will most likely be head over heels for you.
  • I love when someone cooks and shares the food with me. I feel all tingly especially when I can compliment them on the food. And let me cook for you. Be interested in what it is that I put together.
  • These are places I love to go for dates: Neighborhood bars, coffee shops (with good mochas), ice cream shops, strip clubs, tapas restaurants.
  • I do quite a bit of work on my computer, I give massages every so often and I work out a few times a week. If you can give me a backrub I will purr like a kitten.
  • Flirt / sext with me. There are few things in life that create more energy in my body than “dirty” talk and sharing fantasies.
  • I melt for a woman who whispers naughty things in my ear. Feel free to do so at any time.


  • I don’t believe in one night stands. Anything worth experiencing once is worth experiencing more than once. If you are only looking for a one time hook up, it is unlikely that I am interested. That doesn’t mean I am not interested in hookups. Just keep the options for a repeat performance open.
  • I believe that there is no such thing as “just sex”. To me any sex is a connective experience and while it might not last past climax, I will love my partners in the moment I have sex with.
  • I believe that we present a certain face in the outside world. And I also believe that a much more real and authentic person shows up in the bedroom. I want to see all your faces and that curiosity is often a driving factor for me, besides the desire for intimacy, touch and a fun time.
  • To me sex is intimacy. And intimacy is sexy. Even a deep conversation, a passionate kiss or running your hands through my hair are exchanges of sexual energy. So is showing up fully and vulnerably. Ask for what you need, want and desire. This is a huge turnon for me.

Turn-Ons (sexually):

  • I have a lot of fetishes and kinks. Some of them are exhibitionism, voyeurism, group sex, primal play and rope bondage. These are not all of them but I hope to discuss the rest in person.
  • I get very turned on when you lean over and whisper into my ear what you would like to do with me sexually. It doesn’t even matter if I am into what you are suggesting. That fact that you verbalize it in that way is enough to have me hot and bothered.
  • I love intensity in my sex life. That can express itself physically (biting, scratching, slapping, screaming), emotionally (holding eye contact the entire time) or sensationally (moving painfully slow and feeling everything).
  • Back to asking for what you want. If you can show or tell me what you want (faster / slower / lighter / harder / more left / more right / more tongue / more suction) I will be ready for anything.
  • I am currently exploring my sexually dominant and sadistic side. If you want to play with me in that I will have a hard time containing my excitement.
  • I love play. Push and Pull. Play with me. Cat and mouse. It excites me to no end to play this game.
  • Sharing fantasies is one of the hottest things to do. And I also believe it is one of the most vulnerable things when it comes to sex. It is a scary place that is oh-so-fun. Share with me.

Turn-Offs (sexually and otherwise):

  • I am turned off when I feel that my partner is doing something for me that they don’t actually want to do. I am all for exploration but when it becomes something they aren’t into or just doing to please me, I will not enjoy it either.
  • No safer sex conversation beforehand or not being willing to talk about boundaries is a turnoff and I rather walk away than getting into situations that are unclear.
  • I dislike when my partner talks bad about or insults previous partners. I don’t care if they were “crazy”, “pricks” or “cunts”. This is an instant turnoff for me. Again, own your responsibility and tell me about that. The rest is story and not interesting.
  • My absolute boundary is my skin. Anything I decide to put into my body is my choice and not yours to criticize. I am happy to hear your suggestions and opinions but I will make the decision. Trying to change me to be vegetarian, smoke weed, not drink beer, not drink protein shakes or anything else that falls into this category are turnoffs for me.

What do you think? Ready to write your own? Just remember that this is a living document and as you change over the course of your life, make sure your user manual reflects that.


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  2. Rachel Paz

    This is so great, Falk. Thanks for offering up a really vulnerable example. As soon as I figure myself out, I’ll create one too. 🙂

  3. Malia Martin

    I Just stumbled across your blog today. I am gobsmacked on the amount of energy and vulnerability you put into this post! I’m married but we are on different wavelengths. I’m definitely going to be working on my manual. Super fab *-*

    1. Author
      Falk Schwiefert

      Thank you for the kind words. I am happy that you came across this post and very excited that you feel it might be something that can help you guys. And I love that you take ownership and start writing yours. Vulnerability needs to be shown, not demanded. You rock! If you would like to talk more in detail about what is going on for you guys feel free to send a message.

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