Tomorrow I am holding my first lecture under the Desire.Guru business name. I am so excited and I am also terrified.
I talked in my very first post here about the pressure I feel around the name Desire.Guru. I could let it go somewhat by changing my thought patterns on the matter but the closer I get to the actual date, all these voices are back and getting stronger by the minute.
When i decided to do the lecture, I just suggested a meetup on SexPositive Portland (or short SPP). I had 4 people signing up immediately and I was very happy that my meetup didn’t go completely ignored. I checked today and there are now 21 people signed up and I am feeling a flutter in my stomach and a tightness in my chest around that.
My lecture will be on Attractiveness: What makes us attractive to others and how can we use that knowledge. My goal is to have people walk away from this lecture with one thing they can start doing right away. I actually plan to make this happen every single lecture I give. I have myself been in too many discussions and lectures thinking: “That was cool.” and I couldn’t remember one thing I picked up. So, none of that.
My lecture is outlined. I have the worksheet together. The only thing I need to do for prep is create a little feedback form and then get the whole stuff printed. Not a big deal. So, I know that my content is solid. I know I have everything sorted out. I know that I have Tasha helping me. And yet I am nervous as hell.
I believe it is because I am seeing desire.guru as a first step into my new life where I have focus and a purpose. Because that is what I will create here. A purpose. Desire.Guru will be much more than just a business. Yes, I will make money here because I need to pay bills but more than that, it will be a way for me to share what I learned over the course of my life. I will help you to get closer to the life you want, just like I had help creating my life. So in a way it is paying back my dues. But it is also paying it forward. Because I prefer living in a world where I am surrounded by people that have Sex, Relationship and Intimacy consciously. People that elevate these things to the level of practice.
I noticed, writing the paragraph above, that all my anxiety disappeared and I am left with a feeling of calm and excitement. In the end, when I hit those terrifying moments, I just have to remind myself why I do what I do. And that I am doing it for nobody but myself.