Last Saturday some people of a community I belong to were having a little social potluck. I was there and I brought mac’n’cheese and veggie lasagna. Not the homemade kind (I want to say I was too busy but honestly, I was too lazy to make anything) but at least the Wholefoods kind. When I got there, Only 2 other people were there. I was disappointed. ‘Should have stayed home. This is pointless. Could have used your time differently.’ All of these thoughts ran through my head until I decided I was there and I might as well enjoy it.
At that point Robert and I started talking about the extension of my coaching business that I mentioned to him before. So he runs, grabs his laptop and in short order we are sitting around the dining table and start brainstorming. At that point, 2 more friends showed up and seamlessly joined into the session.
Someone: “What do you want to do?”
Me: “I want to expand my 1:1 coaching to teaching. I want to teach about sex, relationship and intimacy.”
Me: “Because it was a fucking difficult for me to get even half decent at it. And it keeps coming up for my clients. I hear it from people everywhere that they struggle with it. I want to help them. I want to share what I learned. I want to spread better ideas on these topics.”
To be honest, that conversation was way less concise and there was much more bantering, teasing, winking and general silliness. But this was the gist of it. Well, long story a little shorter, Robert started research and when he checked out “desire” as a keyword, the hosting company suggested desire.guru.
O!M!G! You have no idea how the energy at the table suddenly jumped. It was crazy. Everybody suddenly yelling, eyes sparkling, voices raised. And I just shrunk away.
Really? Desire.guru? Isn’t that a little pretentious? Or a lot? I can never live up to that name. I don’t have that much knowledge. I am just poor old me. People will never accept me with this name. Who the fuck do I think I am? Who could I be? But Guru is such a charged word. What if people think I know everything and I give a wrong advice? What if people think I am just another charlatan that is after their money? What if… what if… what if…
Yep, that is what was going on in my head. I could not think clearly. At all. Stuff was just spinning, faster and faster, until they were completely out of control. And then I grabbed a friend of mine, went to the front porch, smoked a cigarette with and unloaded all these jumbled up thoughts in 15 minutes.
Yes. I can do it. I can live up to the name. I have my own integrity when it comes to other people and their money. I might not know everything but I know a lot more than my clients and most of my friends and I learn new things every day. I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be.
Thoughts replaced, mind fixed, I walked back inside, took out my bank card and we registered desire.guru. I still felt so much tightness in my chest, a lump in my throat and a stone in my stomach when I said yes. But I said yes. And over the last 4 days I have become more and more excited for this. I am envisioning logos, tshirts, introductions at lectures that all say something about desire.guru. I am envisioning the online programs I want to create, the lectures I want to give, the workshops I want to hold. I am thrilled!
And I had a desire to share it with you.