Have you ever sat there and asked yourself that question? I did in the past and I am doing it right now. The answers range from super exciting:
- I will keep building desire.guru.
- I will add FuckU to the mix.
- I will get my first free online course up this week.
to less exciting:
- I want to pay off my credit cards.
- I want to look into more game ideas for the lectures and workshops.
- I want to finish developing the game.
to outright scary:
- I want to have a conversation with my mum about our relationship.
- I want to become an activist in sex worker rights.
- I want to start a series of educational porn films.
And over all of these things yell the voices of doubt and, specifically self-doubt and fear:
- You can’t do it.
- It’s too big.
- You can’t have it.
- Why even bother.
- You will do it wrong and ruin everything else in the process.
As you can imagine, my head is a fun place to be. But then again, I keep hearing that all / most people have similar voices in their head. So I am not sure if I would want to trade place.
You might wonder what prompted all of this. I just finished a 6 months coaching program I took to go deeper in my coaching practice as well as dig deeper into myself and my own shit. And I can tell you… It was fucking expensive, nearly ruined my marriage several times, brought desires back up that I thought I left behind years ago, constantly pushed the limitations I believed I have, pushed me to let go of some serious pride issues and just helped me figure out how much I am in judgement of myself. Doesn’t that sound great? *insert sarcasm here*
Okay, the sarcasm isn’t real but somehow I feel it should be. The program definitely put me through the ringer. However, I think I had more growth in the last 6 months than I had in the 3 years prior to it. And now that it is done and I graduated from it, it is time to look at what is next.
The 2 big things that are coming up are: I am starting to put together online classes and you will be able to get them right here on the website. I am really excited about that and I am really scared at the same time. On one hand I feel it will give people the opportunity to work on their stuff by themselves and I can help with that, even when they are nowhere near Portland. On the other hand I am still questioning if I have what it takes to deliver valuable content in a way that people like. Yes, that’s the self-doubt talking.
The other thing that is next up on the agenda is sexgeeksummercamp. Basically a 5 day business seminar out in the woods run by Reid Mihalko from www.reidaboutsex.com. I am really stoked that I will be attending this seminar and I want to express here how grateful I am for all the people that helped me to do that. I did not have the funds necessary to go there and we started a gofundme (which got some money raised) and then I hit up all my Facebook friends asking them for $20 to help me out. That was a big shift for me. I always held on to the pride that I will never ask people for money. I justified that by saying I know money is tight for everybody. And I know that is mainly true. But the amount of positive responses I have gotten from people blew me completely away. So many of my FB friends donated and I am so grateful for that. So in the end of July I am going to fly over to West Virginia and will attend the seminar. Yay! *celebrate!*.
And then there is the plan for FuckU in the works. The idea is basically a full attention on you sex class. How to have better sex. Incorporating the things I already wrote about but going much, much deeper in teaching about sex. I am tossing around the idea of series of porn films / clips that are both educational and at the same time hot. But that is down the line and I want to talk with people at the summercamp about the idea.
So, yes, I have some ideas about what is on the schedule next. And I also have a lot of voices in my head that want to hold me back from it. I am really excited to dig in and figure out what these voices want from me and why they want to hold me back and then move from there. I know I can do it, I know I can live in my desire and I know I can have my dream. How about you?
Tell me a little what is next for you and what you are struggling with.